The Devastating Impact of Parental Substance Abuse on Children's Hearts: How to Help

 

 

You might find it challenging or even difficult to join me on this journey of empathy and healing as we delve into the profound effects of parental substance abuse on kids — the hidden bruises and unseen scars that linger long after the storm has passed.

 

But take heart! We’ll also explore ways to help those little hearts find their way to hope and happiness.

 

Don’t know about you, but I love stories! Here we go …

 

Imagine you’re a snug and warm adventurer in your cosy little home in Mommy’s tummy. It’s dark, but it’s the perfect kind of dark – like being wrapped in a soft, fluffy blanket. You can hear the soothing rhythm of your mommy’s heartbeat, and every now and then, you catch the muffled sounds of her voice, singing lullabies or chatting with Daddy. Life is pretty sweet in here!

 

But one day, things start to change. You feel a gentle squeeze, like a big hug, and you know it’s time for your grand adventure to begin. You’re not sure what’s happening, but you trust that everything will be okay. After all, you’ve got Mommy guiding you every step of the way.

 

As the squeezes get stronger, you start to move. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze, but you’re a brave little explorer! You wiggle and squirm, making your way through a tunnel that’s just your size. It’s a bit of a workout, but you know you’re almost there.

 

Finally, you see a glimmer of light. It’s bright and new, and you’re curious to see what’s on the other side. With one last big push, you make your grand entrance into the world. You take your first breath, and it’s like a whole new world has opened up.

 

Everything is so new and exciting. But, oh my, it’s also a bit overwhelming! The lights are so bright, and the noises are much louder than what you’re used to. The air feels cool on your skin. You can’t help but let out a cry – it’s your way of saying, “Hello, world! I’m here, but this is all so new and a bit frightening!”

 

Almost immediately, you feel the comforting touch of your mommy’s hands. She holds you close, and you can hear her voice, soothing and familiar. It’s like a warm hug that makes everything feel just right, even in this strange new place. 

 

As you snuggle up against mommy’s chest, you can hear her heartbeat again. It’s a sound you’ve known your whole life, and it makes you feel safe and loved. You might even open your eyes for the first time, blinking at the bright lights and trying to focus on mommy’s face. Her eyes are filled with tears of joy, and she smiles at you with so much love.

 

Daddy is right there too, his face beaming with pride. He gently strokes your tiny fingers, marvelling at how perfect you are. You feel his warmth and know that you’re surrounded by love.  These first moments are filled with wonder, discovery, and a bit of scariness. You might feel a little tired after your big adventure, and that’s perfectly okay. We are here to keep you safe and warm. As you drift off to sleep, you know that you’re in the best place in the world – right in the arms of your loving family.

 

Usually, the story would end with "And then they lived happily ever after!" But let's be real — life is a bit more complicated. Today we focus on being raised in a household where substance abuse is present.

 

STATS

 

Understanding the impact of parental substance use disorders on kids is crucial. According to the National Surveys on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH) conducted between 2009 and 2014, around 8.7 million children aged 17 or younger lived in households where at least one parent had a substance use disorder. These kids face unique challenges that can affect their well-being and development, and we need to shed light on this issue.

 

WHEN PARENTS HIDE THEIR ADDICTION

 

Addiction is a tough battle for anyone, and one may find it hard to break free from its grip. This struggle often leads to negative thoughts and behaviours, affecting not just the person but the entire family.

 

Many parents dealing with addiction, hide it from their families out of fear of judgment or disapproval. As a result, kids may sense the unspoken weight and feel its impact deeply.

 

IMPACT ON KIDS

 

Growing up in an environment where one or both parents struggle with substance abuse can leave profound emotional scars on children.

 

The fear, chaos, and unpredictability they experience can lead to serious emotional and psychological challenges that persist into adulthood. This lingering fear and trauma can affect their ability to form healthy relationships and feel secure in their adult lives.

 

These experiences can deeply affect a kid’s emotional well-being, leading to issues such as low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. The memories of their upbringing can replay in their minds, making it difficult for them to trust others and move forward in life.

 

We need to recognise and empathise with the experiences of these kids.

 

By understanding the psychological impact of parental substance use disorders, we can better support affected kids and help break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

 

It's a reminder of the importance of providing a supportive, nurturing environment for children who have faced these challenges and offering them the care and understanding they need to heal and thrive.

 

 

BE AWARE OF THE UNIQUE CHALLENGES KIDS FACE GROWING UP WITH A SUBSTANCE-ABUSING PARENT

 

When kids grow up in homes where a parent battles substance abuse, their young hearts bear burdens that extend far beyond their years. Here are a couple of challenges they face:

 

It's tough for kids when their parents struggle with addiction. They go through a mix of emotions - they love their parent but also fear their unpredictable behaviour.

 

This struggle with addiction can really disrupt your life. Kids might find themselves facing a new, unpredictable situation every day. It can make steady things like school, meals, and bedtime feel a bit shaky.

 

When parents are struggling with addiction, kids may feel like they're not receiving the attention they need. Their basic needs, like food, clothing, and emotional support, might not always be the priority.

 

When parents are dealing with substance use, their mood and caregiving can be all over the place. One day, they can be loving and nurturing, and the next, they might seem distant. Kids learn to adjust to these changes, but it can be extremely tiring for them.

 

Kids often keep their home life a secret because they're afraid of being judged or pitied. It's like shame wraps around them like a heavy cloak.

 

It's like kids are becoming mini-adults, cooking meals, looking after younger siblings, and handling tough situations. It feels like childhood is slipping away too soon.

 

Growing up around a parent with substance abuse issues can really leave a mark. It's tough for kids to handle all the anxiety and sleepless nights that come with it.

 

It's really hard for kids to cope with the fear of losing a parent. They worry about their parent's overdose or irreversible harm and are haunted by the fear of being abandoned.

 

Missing out on playdates and sleepovers. Kids are hesitant to invite friends over because they don't want their secrets to be exposed.

 

Kids often end up feeling guilty and confused in situations like this. They start thinking, "If I were a better kid, maybe Dad wouldn't drink." It's tough for them because they want to be loyal to their parents, but they also want to take care of themselves.

 

 

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

 

Your first level of defence is prayer.  

• Keep your addicted spouse in your thoughts and prayers! They are fighting a huge spiritual and physical battle and – even if you don’t want to hear this - they need all the love and support to conquer this challenge.  

• Pray for yourself, for wisdom to deal with the situation, and pray for your kids’ emotional health as well as safety!

 

Creating a safe and stable environment is key. Kids need to feel secure at home.  Don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Therapists and counsellors can offer amazing support and provide you and your kids with tools to cope and heal. It is not a weakness to ask for help when you need it.

 

Talking openly with your kids is also super important. Encourage them to share their feelings and thoughts with you. Listen without judgment and let them know their emotions are valid. This helps them feel understood and valued, which is so crucial for their emotional well-being.

 

Building a support network is also important. Surround yourself and your kids with supportive friends and family. Having a strong support system can provide additional love and stability, which is always a good thing.

 

Educating yourself about the effects of trauma and how to address them can be empowering. The greater your knowledge, the more empowered you become to make informed decisions and take proactive steps.

 

Encouraging your kids to get involved in positive activities can also make a big difference. Whether it’s sports, arts, or community service, these activities can help build their self-esteem and resilience.

 

And don’t forget about self-care! Taking care of your own emotional and physical well-being is so important. When you’re healthy and happy, you’re in a much better position to support your kids.

 

Being a positive role model is another biggie. Show your kids healthy ways to handle stress and emotions. When they see you managing challenges positively, they’ll learn to do the same.

-o0o-

Let's summarise this in very easy terms.

 

What’s Addiction?

·         Imagine your brain having a “want monster.” Addiction is when that monster gets super strong and makes you crave something (like candy or video games) all the time, even if it’s not good for you.

How Does It Affect Families?

·         When someone in a family struggles with addiction, it’s like a big storm. It messes up everything! Feelings get hurt, money gets tight, and things feel shaky.

Kids in the Middle:

·         Kids in these families might feel scared, sad, or confused. They might have to be superheroes and take care of themselves sometimes.

What Can We Do?

·         Talk about it! Share feelings with grown-ups you trust. Maybe find a special teacher or friend who can listen.

·         Take care of yourself. Do things you love, like drawing or playing outside.

·         Remember, it’s not your fault. You’re not alone, and there’s hope!

Why Break the Cycle?

·         Imagine turning off the “want monster” for good! Breaking the cycle means stopping the storm and making things better for everyone.

 

Remember, kiddo, you’re strong, and there are grown-ups who care about you. 🌈💪

 

Here are some ideas for a conversation with your young kids:

 

Mom (Sitting with Her Kids at the Kitchen Table): Hey, my little superheroes! Can we have a special chat today? You know how sometimes grown-ups have things they struggle with? Well, some parents find it hard to stop doing something called “addiction.” It’s like when you really, really want to eat all the cookies, even though you know it’s not good for you.

 

Kid 1 (Wide-eyed): But Mom, why do they do that?

 

Mom: Great question! Sometimes it’s because they feel sad or stressed, and they think this thing (like drinking or using medicine) will make them feel better. But guess what? It doesn’t really help. And it can make them act differently—like a grumpy dragon instead of a friendly teddy bear.

 

Kid 2 (Curious): But why do they hide it?

 

Mom: Ah, that’s a tricky part. They worry that if they tell us, we might be upset or worried. So, they keep it secret, like a hidden treasure. But secrets can be heavy, like carrying a big backpack all the time.

 

Kid 1 (Thoughtful): Does it affect us, Mom?

 

Mom: Yes, my sweet pea. When parents struggle with addiction, it can feel like a storm in our home. Our routines might wobble, and sometimes we might feel scared or confused. But guess what? We’re strong together! We can talk about our feelings, like superheroes sharing their powers.

 

Kid 2 (Determined): What can we do, Mom?

 

Mom: Well, we can be kind to ourselves. We’ll keep our hearts safe by doing things we love—like drawing, playing, or cuddling. And remember, it’s not our fault. We’re like little stars shining in the same sky, even when things get cloudy.

 

Kid 1 (Smiling): So, we’re like a team, Mom?

 

Mom: Exactly! Team Awesome! And if you ever feel worried or confused, come find me. We’ll have a cosy chat, just like this one. 

 

Kid 2 (Giggling): Thanks, Mom! You’re the best superhero!

 

Mom: And you’re my favourite sidekicks! Now, who’s up for some cookies?

 

I trust that you’ll find it helpful!

Please tune in to my Mommies Make Ripples Podcast on Spotify or Youtube where I talk more about this!

 

Until next time

STEF ESPAG