When parenting throws your life out of balance: 4 Strategies to manage frustration

 

Hey Mommy! You’re struggling, right?

With too much on your plate, you can no longer cope with the frustration of an unbalanced life.

Your dreams are scattered.

You thought everything would continue as planned after the kids arrived.

And then your bubble burst!

All your romantic expectations of motherhood disappeared in thin air. With a bang, you’ve realised that having kids includes much more than soft cuddles and precious chuckles.

- - -

On top of that, frustration often gives way to a load of emotions you never expected!

• Sometimes you’re angry, and you’re not even sure why!
  
  Perhaps because it is so difficult to manage being a mommy on your own… And seemingly, you’re the only one who cares about the pile of washing you can’t manage… Because there IS NOT TIME FOR IT! 

• Sometimes you feel guilty
  
  You want to be a loving wife, but honestly? You don’t have the time or the energy for that. It hurts and worries you that the communication lines seem to disappear and the distance between you gets wider and wider… 

• Sometimes (or let’s be honest, much more than some times) you respond to the invitation to the next feeling-sorry-for-myself-pity-party with your regular guests – I, Myself, and Me.
  
  The same conversations are playing over and over: Life sucks! Look at my hair! I don’t think my nails will ever see a manicure again! And on. And on.

 

SO, YOU’RE FRUSTRATED AND OVERWHELMED AND YOUR LIFE IS OUT OF BALANCE, RIGHT?

You’ve concluded that you are stuck in a tumble drier of motherly duties and the cycle runs non-stop. You look and feel like the washing on the inside – dried out, wrinkled beyond repair, and you’re ready to quit.

You didn’t sign up for this. It is too much for one person to handle.

Motherhood sucks!

... OR DOES IT?

Just before you hand in your resignation (… by the way, where does one do that?) allow me to explain what lies at the root of many frustrations.

WHAT LIES AT THE ROOT OF FRUSTRATION?

(1) THE UNKNOWN

 

For the 3 most important events in our lives we never – or hardly ever – receive any training. We are left alone, having to work it out for ourselves. What are those events? (1) Marriage, (2) Parenting, and (3) Death.

 

1. MARRIAGE:
   
   It is easy and exciting to get married. Much time and money are spent planning the occasion, the ceremony, the honeymoon, the house … Hardly any time or money goes into pre-marital counselling and personal development to be the kind of man or woman who will make this thing work.
   
   
   
2. PARENTING:
   
   Having kids is just as easy. Just do it. The problem isn’t becoming a parent. The challenge is being a parent who knows how to raise happy, successful, and well-balanced kids. That is a totally different story.
   
   Again, much time and money go into decorating the baby’s room, buying clothes and having stacks of toys on hand. Little or no time or money, goes into preparing your heart, mind, and emotions for parenthood.
   
   This is why I have created an online course called, Get Ready! Baby is Coming!  You can check it out on Udemy following THIS LINK.
   
   
   
3. DEATH:
   
   This is about the only thing we are 100% sure of, yet nobody wants to think about it or prepare for it! We’ll talk about this in a future blog post.

 

(2) UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS

 

Besides the fact that many first-time mommies enter parenthood with a romantic expectation and dreams until their bubble pops, other unfulfilled expectations contribute to the hardship of parenthood.

You’re still young, you’ve got dreams and the potential to fulfil them, you’ve got goals, and a promising career … but now you’ve got kids.

And somewhere these things don’t complement each other.

It will profit you greatly to take some time and think about this – what unfulfilled expectations contribute to your current mountain of frustration?

 

LET ME OFFER YOU A DIFFERENT VIEWPOINT

 

Let’s take an imaginary trip to the moon.  Hopefully, things will look a little different from there!  

 
While we’re travelling at lightspeed through millions of stars, I would like to share a little wisdom with you.

For now, the days may feel very long, but remember, in reality, the years are extremely short. I know!  The one moment you hold your precious little one in your arms, the next they don’t want to be kissed or held any more, and before you know it, they leave the nest.

 

• And all you’ve got left, are the paint marks on the duvet – that was the day you shouted so loudly that your throat was sore for 3 days.

 

• You look at the scratch on the coffee table and lovingly embrace it with your finger tips - and regret how you exploded that day!

 

• Then you stare at the photos on the wall - remembering some of the events that you did not enjoy, only tolerated.

 

But before that dreadful day arrives, let’s continue. 

FOUR TRUTHS TO RENEW YOUR MIND WITH

 

Truth #1 - Your life will never be the same again

OK, you didn’t want to hear that. The truth is – your life will NEVER be the same again!

Let go of the wish that things will be what you consider to be “normal” again.

It will never, ever, ever be the same – ever again!

It won’t. Ever.

Your life will be out of balance for a couple of years. That’s life. And it is OK.

What matters most right now, is that you become the kind of Mommy God created you to be.
And for you to raise the kind of kids God had in mind when He entrusted them to you!

 

Truth #2 - For everything under the sun there is a time and a season.

Look at the stars around us! 

Aren’t they beautiful? God knows each one by name.

Same with you. He knows you by name! He has called you by name. He knows you so intimately that every hair on your head is numbered. He knows when each one falls to the ground.

And it matters to Him.

Because YOU matter to Him.

- - -

Now is your time to shine like one of these bright stars for your little ones. Now is your time to be their guiding light.

A star’s brightness is only visible when it’s dark. Doesn’t matter how dark everything feels around you. Your power to shine is built into your very being! All you need to do is to be connected to the source of light, Jesus Christ.

Unfortunately, sometimes we’d rather be the sun and scorch everything with our flames.

But take my advice, it is far more beneficial for your whole family to spread the soft rays of moonlight into their lives.

Talking about moonlight – I used to look after my grandson when he was still little.

When bedtime comes, I would tell him to pick his own beautiful ray of moonlight and to swing with it right into Dreamland. I would choose my silver ray and meet him on the other side. Those trips to Dreamland on silver rays of moonlight were always very delightful!

 -o-o-o-

Your kids will someday look back at their lives and the time you spent (or didn’t spend) with them.

And they’ll remember … they’ll embrace it, or reject it.

Here, right here, in your hands, in your mouth, in your heart, is the power to build memories their little hearts will cherish forever.

 

Truth #3 - Nobody ever regrets not spending more time at work on their deathbed.

Never.

But often, people regret missing beautiful opportunities and precious moments with their families and loved ones.

When I say that all that matters is how you act now and how you ripple across your kids' lives, I mean it.

You only have NOW. This moment is all you’ve got. 

What are you going to do with THIS opportunity? And then the next one. And the next?

Life is made up of choices and opportunities, and you’ve got to choose what you are going to do with every little NOW-moment that you’ve got.

Choose wisely, because every choice is a letter written on their hearts and memories.

 

Truth #4 - The most important instrument on our trip to the moon, is a compass (GPS), and not a clock.

According to history, the first astronauts to the moon had to adjust their direction every ten minutes. If they didn't, they would have missed the moon completely.

On your journey through life, you too constantly need to check your compass and adjust!
But let’s be clear about this: a compass is worthless if you don’t know where you’re heading.  

Here's a question for you - Do you have a clear picture in mind of where you and your family are heading?

Another question: what is driving you? Is your compass, showing you the right way? Or your clock, reminding you how much time you are “wasting” while on this journey? 

Don’t confuse the destination with the journey. Which do you believe is more important?

-oOo-

The journey of course.

But sometimes parents are driven by the clock, and we hear them saying things like:

• I can’t wait for this or that to be over (referring to teething, breastfeeding, waking up at night and so on)
  
  
• I wish the school would start so that I could breathe again.
  
  
• I hate these teenage years. Can’t they just grow up?

AND THEN THEY DO. 

And you’ve missed all the wonderful opportunities while wishing every phase to come to an end.

WAKE-UP CALL FOR MOMMIES

May I be blunt with you, Mommie?

Wake up!

Smell the roses!

Enjoy the moment.

Make the best of every moment – even if it means changing diapers, making sandwiches, teaching them table manners … over and over and over ...

 

The time will come when you’ll also wish you could turn back the clock.

But for now, please relax and know that being a Mommie who cares, is the highest calling for every woman on this planet.

 

Don’t misunderstand me - this is not a blame-and-shame game. The purpose is not to put you on another guilt trip. The purpose is to get you off that trip before it is too late!

DO YOU LIKE THE MOON PERSPECTIVE

Things look a little different here from the moon, don’t they?

Enjoy this moment and take a good look at the glorious galaxy.

Each star was created by our loving God. He even gave them names.

Your little ones are more valuable than all the stars in the universe. Because they belong to God in the first place. And He entrusted them to you to look well after His little diamonds.

 

4 STRATEGIES TO MANAGE FRUSTRATION WHEN YOUR LIFE IS OUT OF BALANCE 

Just a reminder: gaining knowledge will not change anything! Only when you apply what you’ve heard, a change will occur. So, this is now the application part:

 

(Truth #1) - Your life will never be the same again.

 

YOUR STRATEGY: Choose to face reality and accept it. Change starts with a choice.

 

(Truth #2) - For everything under the sun, there is a time and a season

 

Not all types of seeds grow in one season.  Every season offers opportunities for different seeds. Furthermore, every new season brings forth new growth opportunities.

YOUR STRATEGY: Embrace growth (turn problems into challenges, and challenges into growth opportunities). Your current season will teach you things you wouldn't learn otherwise; embrace it!

Look at the trees.

Every season brings forth new things – leaves and blossoms; fruit; change of colour, emptiness, which is actually the time for strengthening its roots!

 

(Truth #3) - Let’s fast-forward to your deathbed. What would you want your kids to remember and embrace about their childhood?

 

YOUR STRATEGY: Spend some time and make 2 notes:

The first note – if you had to die tomorrow, what regrets would you have today?
And the second note - what you would like your children to say about you one day at your grave.

Then spend some time and write down changes you’ll have to make, starting right now.

You see, this is the magic of being a Mommy.

You are an atmosphere changer.

You have the power to shape their future!

 

(Truth #4) - The most important instrument on our trip to the moon is a compass (GPS), and not a clock  

 

A compass shows direction; a clock shows time.

When you live by a compass you can bring the direction they need to reach the stars too! You can’t do this when you live by a clock, though.

YOUR STRATEGY:  To become the direction giver you can start by making two more lists: what is urgent and what is important.

Ask yourself, Is it urgent or important to … check your WhatsApp, to scroll down Facebook, to exercise, to spend a date night with your husband, to take your kids on a fun trip …

Be on the look out, because what is important in life, hardly ever seem urgent, and therefore so easy to neglect!

 

BACK TO REALITY

We’ve talked about the story of your life, we’ve been to the moon and back, and now it’s your turn. 

You can stay as you are for the rest of your life, or you can choose to apply the 4 strategies I’ve offered you today. 

Everything starts with your mindset. 

When Frustration and Overwhelm want to join your next pity-party, you can choose to take your own trip to the moon. Look at the stars, grab a silver ray of moonlight, and swing right into the arms of your Loving Father God, who will never leave you and never forsake you!

-OoO-

 

You can listen to my Podcast (4 Strategies to manage frustration when your life is out of balance) at THIS LINK.

 

Please leave your comments below and SHARE this article on your Social Media.

 

Until next time

STEF ESPAG
You are Destined for Greatness!