WHY YOU SHOULD IMMEDIATELY STOP TELLING YOUR KIDS WHAT NOT TO DO

 

Are you also one of those parents?

— You speak … they don’t listen.

— You tell … they do the exact opposite.

— You yell … they stare at you.

The only logical explanation is — either they are deaf or you are invisible. 

Your nerves are getting thinner than a silkworm thread, threatening to snap at any moment.

Your emotions are boiling and on the verge of an atomic explosion … promising to leave a terrible death toll…

Or something similar.

In one moment, they drive you crazy! The next they warm your heart with their sweet smiles and funny comments.

And you know, you’ll do all you can to protect them from harm.

But oh boy, if you could only understand [eye roll] why you’re sometimes invisible and they’re deaf!

Maybe it isn’t a bad idea to take them for that ear test anyway?

Yeah, maybe.

Or you could continue reading and find a better solution.

WHO’S THE REAL CULPRIT HERE?

You probably wonder what’s wrong with telling your kids not to do what you are doing. After all, that’s what we do when we don’t want them to do “grown-up stuff”, isn’t it?

You don’t want your kids to begin drinking, smoking, swearing, or watching porn at a young age!

Yet your parents told you the same thing all the time, chuckling about it.

Subtly, you’ve been conditioned to accept it as OK to live a life based on double standards. Leaving your kids in the same state of confusion that you were in as a youngster.

"WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW, CAN’T HARM YOU." RIGHT?

This is another famous saying, but it contains no evidence of being true.

On the contrary! What you DON’T know CAN harm you, and more specifically your kids, and even kill them — physically, spiritually, emotionally, and any other possible way you can imagine.

For instance, if you thought the wild mushrooms in your garden were okay to eat, to your surprise, you might soon need an ambulance. Or, if you didn’t realize that your neighbour is a child molester, you wouldn’t worry if your kids visited there.

The fact that you didn’t know, isn’t going to protect them from harm.

WHAT YOUR KIDS SEE, SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WHAT THEY HEAR

You probably never connected the dots between this innocent saying and what you see daily in your kids’ behaviour.

I know you wouldn’t deliberately teach your kids anything wrong. But … without knowing what the impact of that saying could be, you may have harmed and crippled your kids’ ability to distinguish right from wrong, leaving them confused.

SEEING ONE THING BUT BEING TOLD TO DO ANOTHER, LEAVES THEM WITH MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

Why isn’t 1+1=2 all the time, and why isn’t b=d?

Let me explain. The best way to teach a child to write is to demonstrate it and then allow them to practice it over and over. It would be confusing to show them something, and then ask them to do it differently without any further explanation.

Can you blame them if they mess up the whole exercise?

Likewise, to show them something and then tell them to do it differently, can mess up their understanding of life.

We both know that life is more than an exercise that you can do again and again. As parents, you only have one chance to lay a proper foundation.

If this foundation is weak, they will be impacted with wrong beliefs such as:

— It’s OK to live a double standard life (I’m OK with doing something, but you aren’t)

— Distrust (If I can’t trust your example, how can I trust your words?)

— Dishonesty is OK (That’s what you are teaching me!)

— Rebellion (Why can’t I do it, but you can?)

It doesn’t end here. You’ll also leave a generational inheritance. Your kids and grandkids will do the same to their kids and grandkids.

It doesn’t have to be like this! You can get off the “not-knowing-train” immediately!

IT’S NO JOKE AFTER ALL!

Now you realize it’s not a joke. It’s a serious matter. There are 3 things you need to understand:

1. Understand your God-given responsibility.

The kids you call your own are God’s most prized possessions.

For a brief moment in time, He has entrusted you with them, to love them and care for them in the same way He loves and cares for them, and in the end, to show them the way back to Him. They are His in the first place.

In the end, all of us will have the opportunity to stand before God, presenting to Him the children He entrusted to us.

The question every parent must ask themselves is whether they will be proud to tell God how they have raised their (His) kids and what they have taught them and instilled in their innocent little minds.

What a huge responsibility parents carry! Especially now that you’ve learned the truth through an article such as this one.

2. Understand how your actions — more than your words — shape their understanding of life

Your children observe you without you even knowing it. They are going to copy your example, regardless of whether you want them to.

Here are a few things they learn through observing you:

#1 — How to handle emotions such as stress, anxiety, frustration, and fear

If you yell and scream when you are upset or frustrated, they will learn to yell and scream when they are upset and frustrated.

If you keep a poker face and never show any emotions, they will learn to suppress their emotions too.

If you hide under the bed because you are afraid of thunder and lightning, they will do the same thing and hide under the bed.

#2 — How to handle relationships

They learn how to handle conflict, show respect, and resolve disagreements by watching you.

Children learn how to treat the opposite sex by watching how Mom and Dad treat each other.

The way you love, live, forgive, or hate sets the example for them.

#3 — What is important in life

Your kids can tell whether you value them or not by what you show them.

If you keep an eye on your social media activity while your kid comes in to tell you something she is excited about, she hears: Sorry, darling, this is more important than what you are excited about!

If you sit in front of the TV, never making time for the kids or each other, they learn that things are more important than people.

3. Understand that you need to sow the right seed to reap the desired results

The seeds that you sow every day shape their lives and their future.

After what you’ve learned today, everything is in your favor to reap a beautiful harvest.

However, if you keep telling them they must do the opposite of what you’re showing them, you will shoot yourself in the foot and later feel sorry for yourself.

HOW TO MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN

1. Take Einstein’s advice seriously

He said insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

If what you’ve been doing up to now isn’t working, STOP and consider implementing the recommendations I’m offering.

2. Be mature and acknowledge your mistake

If your kids are old enough to understand, you can turn this opportunity into a precious learning curve.

You can explain that you said something that you thought was cute, but it wasn’t!

Admit your mistake, apologize, and explain that you will change in the future.

Then DO it.

3. Start to act as their Role Model

You are their most important role model. Whether you realize it or not, they will follow your example.

This is an opportunity to show them honesty, balance, trustworthiness, and faithfulness. You can guide them into open and honest life.

Ultimately, they will thank you.

THE NEW DAY IS DAWNING

Up until now, your days were filled with frustration, anger, and worries that drove you up the wall. I agree with you, you had enough of this nonsense.

Changing bad habits and establishing good ones takes time, but you are fully capable of doing it.

Take a deep breath. Feel the fresh air filling your lungs.

Trust yourself and focus on what you have learned today.

Eventually, the “magic” I promised will happen, because you and your kids are destined for greatness.

— You’ll become visible again 😊

— Your kids will respond and come alive again 😊

— You will grow in maturity

— And a generation will follow in your footsteps, imitating the good life you will lead.


Only promise me one thing … You will never tell your kids again, Don’t do what I do, do what I say!

Deal?

Until next time,


STEF ESPAG

YOU ARE DESTINED FOR GREATNESS

PS — My book, How courageous parents raise emotionally healthy kids, is written for parents with young kids, to empower you to do exactly that! You can check it out HERE.

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